Only in New York

1. Scene takes place at diner. Young Korean woman is screaming at her non-Korean boyfriend about the state of his cuticles.

"Are you using the cream I gave you?"
"Yes! You see me use it in the mornings!"
"Look at that one, (inspecting finger). It's disgusting!"
"I do everything you tell me to! I use the cream right after the shower!"
"You need oil. You need a cuticle brush and oil. Do you hear me?? Will you use it??"
"Yes. I'll use it."
"You better use it. I am going to spend over $10 on that oil!"
"I will! I promise! Can we talk about something else?"

2. In Duane Reade baby section. I am shopping for coloring book to cheer up child who has been sick at home for a week. Greeted by cute young mom looking type who is in diaper section.

Woman: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Yes?"
Woman (looking at my handfuls of crayons and Purell). "I was wondering if you could help me, since you are a mom."
Me: (Chest swelling with pride over my apparant air of motherly know how.) "Of course! How can I help you?"
Woman: "Um, I am having a problem with these diaper sizes."
Me: "Yes, they can be confusing."
Woman: "Well you see, I need to buy these diapers for my DOG. We are going on a long trip. He has a 14 inch waist. Which should I buy?"
Me: (Recovering quickly): "Well, how much does he weigh?"
Woman: "About 15 pounds."
Me: "Well these go up to 16 pounds. That would be your average five month old, I think."
Woman: "Well, what was the waist size of your baby when it was five months?"
Me: "Um, um. I actually have no idea. I don't know what her waist size is now. But if you get them a little bigger, you can always pull the tabs over, or use...um, tape?"
Woman: "Oh! Okay!"
Me: "Did you try Petco?"
Woman: "Their diapers leave a hole that's too big for my dog's tail".
Me: "Of course. Well, I would go for these store brand, because they are awfully expensive".
Woman: "Ok, thanks. Wow, you have been so helpful."

In the words timeless words of Liz Smith...Only in New York....