Saturday, August 25, 2007

Regrets, I have them too.

Please visit my pal at Apartment 53 (see blogroll). She penned a phenomenal list of regrets that are incredibly profound and inspiring. In an effort to share the fact that no matter what lives we live, we all have a thick stack of regrets, here are just a smattering of mine. Jill, you are not alone, but thanks for inspiring the following bravery:

1. I regret that I interviewed for Ogilvy and Mather without preparing first, and got bitched out about it, rendering me terrified of future interviews and without a great copywriting career.

2. I regret how long I wore and loved bodysuits.

3. I regret that I spent so much time judging a book by its cover.

4. I regret ever having sex with an ex without a condom.

5. I regret waiting so long to take Accutane and suffering for so long with bad skin.

6. I regret every fucking second I lay out in the sun. I am convinced Melanoma will kill me.

7. I regret not realizing that I was once a natural beauty.

8. I regret waiting 21 years to lose my virginity, only to lose it to such a loser.

9. I regret the fact that I was not a great big sister until my little sister was big.

10. I regret that my friend Jill and I did not live with our friend Phil that first year out of college. I don't think that bad year would have ever happened. It would have been tantastic.

11. I regret that I ever dyed my hair as a teenager and ruined the texture.

12. I regret that I often confused lust with love.

13. I regret that I spent so much time as a sullen teenager.

14. I regret that I was not better to my high school friends while we were in college.

15. I regret that I believed my parents when they said that you can't make a living in the creative arts.

16. I regret that I did not go to sleep away camp sooner.

17. I regret that I never wrote that pilot with Jill, or started that great company with Elise.

18. I regret that I blamed my friend for my brief stint with an eating disorder and froze her out.

19. I regret that I hooked up with that guy who said "let's not tell anyone about this".

20. I regret that I did not I did not heed the words: "hold on to 16, as long as you can", that my friend Tzipora used to name my 16th birthday mix tape.

21. I regret my wedding dress.

22. I regret not taking that trip to California with my friends after the summer in Israel. By the time I had convinced my parents to let me go, I had chickened out.

23. I regret that I told my friend after her boyfriend hit on me. They stayed together and stopped talking to me.

24. I regret that I did not attend Beri's wedding, and that she was not a bridesmaid at mine. She deserved to be.

25. I regret that I found it so hard to let some decaying friendships go.

26. I regret that I bitched about my boss's "pet" to her, thinking she might see things my way.

27. I regret that I ever attempted laser hair removal. Does not work.

28. I regret that I am spending way too much time on this blog, but also, not enough.

29. I regret that because I did not know better, my grandmother died.

30. I regret that I did not spend enough time memorizing her while she was alive.

31. I regret that I ever thought I looked good when I was super skinny. I just looked old.

32. I regret that I did not realize that youth is really wasted on the young.

33. I regret that I allowed boys to get between me and the same friend, twice.

34. I regret that I am no longer in touch with my friend Adina. She is amazing.

35. I regret that I bought Nutella. It's too dangerous to have around.

36. I regret that I ever stopped working out. Now I have no choice.

37. I regret that I never had enough hustle to get where I wanted to go. I hope I can change this one.

38. I regret how much TV I watched when I could have been writing.

39. I regret not buying a TV for my bedroom.

40. I regret using flat paint in the apartment -- too many flaws show.

41. I regret that when an decent ex boyfriend's mother died, I was unable to pay a shiva call.

42. I regret that I ever thought flourescent green was a good color on me.

43. I regret that I ever used a hair brush.

44. I regret that I never learned Excel.

45. I regret leaving my first great job for more money to end up at my very worst job.

46. I regret thinking that I could handle it all myself.

47. I regret telling a friend what I really thought about the girl he was interested in. They eventually got married and now it's awkward whenever we see each other.

48. I regret ever trying eel sushi.

49. I regret every minute that I spent being shy.

50. I regret that my career is nowheresville

51. I regret that I only went abroad to Israel for one semester, instead of a whole year.

52. I regret that I often made my dad feel badly for just being who he is.

53. I regret that I chose to move and have my first baby in the same month,

54. I regret that I did not buy a variety of different apartments when the market was much better.

55. I regret that I did not find a brilliant way to tell a certain ex colleague to go fuck himself.

56. I regret that my mother is often right.

57. I regret that I did not fire my old nanny sooner.

58. I regret that I felt so wounded when friends let me down. I now know that not everyone can be everything to you every time.

59. I regret that I lost those amazing pink cufflinks that my husband bought me at Thomas Pink.

60. I regret that I have lost so much of my old writing.

61. I regret that I have spent most of my life being non-confrontational, which is often a slippery slope towards passive-aggressive.

62. I regret not taking three months maternity leave.

63. I regret being a bitch to so many drug store employees who were not moving fast enough.

64. I regret that I do not make nearly enough zucchini bread for my husband who loves it.

65. I regret that I do not always remember to kiss my husband when he walks in the door. I always want to.

66. I regret that I once made my grandfather upset when I pushed him too hard to talk about the Holocaust.

67. I regret that my lemonade addiction is killing my stomach.

68. I regret that I never truly learned mathematics.

69. I regret that I once wore blue glasses that had grey tinted lenses.

70. I regret bangs.

71. I regret that I did not change obstetricians when I knew I should have.

72. I regret that I can't let go of how angry I am about mistakes surrounding Dylan's birth, even though we made it through okay.

73. I regret that every time my husband travels for work I am terrified that he will die on an airplane.

74. I regret that I may never actualize my true potential.

75. I regret that I cannot sit on the floor with my kids for days on end without feeling the walls close in on me.

76. I regret I am too tired to jump my husband every night, when he is so damn appealing.

77. I regret knowing so many terrible stories about children that my mind tortures me with the "what ifs" (and I then in turn torture my pediatricians).

78. I regret not getting that bikini wax before going into labor.

79. I regret de-friending my friend Tamar in 6th grade for a day or two.

80. I regret that I have not yet appropriately thanked the friend who sent over dinner the night that I came home from the hospital...for that and so much more.

81. I regret that I don't call my living grandmother nearly enough.

82. I regret not ever seeing Les Miz.

83. I regret that I was an MTV intern.

84. I regret that I wore penny loafers for waaay too long.

85. I regret that I don't really understand the ideal answer to that Miss South Carolina question myself.

86. I regret that I don't know much about history.

87. I regret that I am yet to renew my drivers license.

88. I regret that I may parent out of love and fear equally.

89. I regret that I am yet to really learn HTML.

90. I regret all the times that I littered.

91. I regret the fact that I have mercury dental fillings.

92. I regret not continuing to sing after high school.

93. I regret not seeing enough of my cool friend Kara.

94. I regret not downloading "Baby Beluga" for Chloe because I hate dealing with Ipod.

95. I regret that my kids and Gail's kids have opposite nap schedules.

96. I regret that I now actually crave McDonald's after spending 2 decades never missing a thing.

97. I regret how much time I have spent staring at my pores.

98. I regret hiding behind my hair.

99. I regret not putting addresses into label format for all the damn thank you notes (see #44)

100. I regret the fact that I should have mentioned that despite all of these regrets, I have more blessings than I can count.


At 8:08 AM PDT, Blogger Janya said...

ouch, you're brave. i don't know if i could post such a list but, deep down, i know i'd feel lighter if i did.

you definitely got me to do some thinking over the last 12 hours about what might be on my list. ultimately, #100 is how i come away from it all. thankfully.

At 11:02 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel like it was maybe more than a day or two...jk :)I feel like if I started a list like this I would not be able to stop...- T

At 6:40 PM PDT, Blogger beri said...

i totally agree with janya about how brave you are to post such deep feelings on line, as for mine, i regret not keeping in better touch with you since college. love you

At 10:08 AM PDT, Blogger Jill said...

Wasn't that cathartic???



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