Back Up

A is away - he took the Newark to San Francisco flight on September 11. Anyone who read my "Blues Traveler" entry can only imagine how well I did with that.

Anyway, I collapsed last night caked in Yo Baby yogurt (Chloe only wants to feed herself), damp from bathwater (hers, not mine) wondering how the hell single parents do what they do. They should get medals, I swear to god. I am sure most of them work, which makes it all the more unimaginable. And some have more than one baby at home?! I know we all find a way to work with the hand we are dealt, but I really have so much appreciation for that extra set of hands. Even when they are grasping the remote, watching SpongeBob Squarepants when he should be helping me with dinner, it is so comforting to know that there is another adult around for back up. Not to mention one who gives the bath every single night and tells me that it's all going to work out when I send him profanity laced emails about the panic of the moment.

There was a single mother in one of the new mother groups that I went to. I expected that she would slink in with hair matted and head down, the picture of depression. Instead, she bounced in with a Bugaboo and perfect curls. I was hyper aware of her during all of the husband banter which ensued and wondered if she felt left out. She would pepper the conversations with remarks like "it's just me, so I do what I can". She was so...together. I was never sure of the story behind her son, whether she chose a sperm donor or broke up with the father or something else. At a lunch that she was absent from, the other girls would speak of pity for her, shaking their impeccably smooth hair from side to side in sympathy. But I only had reverence for this woman, who exuded confidence - at least on the outside.

I think that as new mothers, there are always those moments of feeling totally alone. But for those of us who are lacking a partner, or an extended family, or friends - those moments must be pretty damn scary. Because it really does take a village.