Past Sense

My childhood:

Sounded like: Sibling spats, singing "It's My Party" into a tape recorder, knocking on the wall that connected my sister's bedroom to mine, the garage door opening late at night when my father came home from work, Michael Jackson's BAD, Karma Chameleon, my parents rare and muffled arguments in our basement.

Tasted like: Broiled chicken, tuna fish in big pasta shells, grilled cheese with tomato, a dixie cup of M and Ms for dessert, my dad's frozen Three Musketeers bars, "bird in the nest", pancakes with blueberry syrup, Juicy Juice 100% juice, bubble gum flavored roller ball lip gloss, celery and peanut butter, Sunday night grilling.

Smelled like: Jean Nate, Ivory Soap, Flex and Pert shampoos, Debbie Gibson Electric Youth perfume, sweaty elementary school classrooms, cat, other people's cigarette smoke on my moms "going out" coat when smoking was still en vogue, my grandmother's Revlon lipstick, freshly cut grass, my mother's Chanel No. 5, my dad's Aramis or Drakaar Noir.

Felt like: Frizzy hair, boredom, itchy sweaters, fear of my closet (specifically the hangers),wanna be insecurity, the bliss before knowing heartache, cozy family in front of the television, believing my parents could heal anything, dreams of becoming a writer and a teen actress.

Looked like: Any anonymous suburb, perma-autumn, stable family, the mall, library, ugly duckling, spoiled rotten, a Judy Blume book.

High school:

Sounded like: A million mix tapes, Survivor's "Popular Girl", U2's "One", St. Elmo's Fire, Chicago, Christopher Cross, "The Search is Over", my voice screaming, door slamming, late night phone talking, belly-pain laughing.

Tasted like: Bagels with techina, Uno's Pizza, frozen yogurt, Zima, gin, Cadbury Eggs, gum, shitty beer, diner food.

Smelled like: Eternity for Men, cigarettes, Tamar's vanilla car freshner, peroxide, The Body Shop perfumes (esp. Dewberry and White Musk), many many cosmetics.

Felt like: Cold early mornings and dark nights at school, intellectual insecurity, deep heartache, desperate for something more, fear of boys and longing for them, 3:oo am at a diner, fear of bad grades, intoxicating independance, a sinking feeling that the best was right now, friendships as deep as romance, blissful time before body image issues.

Looked like: Long ugly skirts, penny loafers, too-tight sweaters, perfect curls and skinny body, too much makeup, surly teenager, safe rebellion, developing a taste for bad boys, notes passed in classes filled with song quotes



College:

Sounded like: Gus(ter), Indigo Girls, stoned laughter, Spur of The Moment, Sarah Machlachlan, The Dave Matthews Band, Screaming fights, deep dark secrets, Sheryl Crow "God I feel like hell tonight", drunken declarations, pipe dreams.


Tasted like: Frozen yogurt, scooped out bagels, diet hunger, cheap sushi, Absolut Currant, Fresca, diet sprite and white zinfandel


Smelled like: Denise's Downy and Estee Lauder Beautiful, Jill's Paul Mitchell and Liz Claiborne, spilled beer, ashtrays, vomit, CK ONE, perma-winter


Felt like: The walk of shame, intellectual inferiority, popularity, high highs and low lows, longing, drunkenness, idealist images of adulthood

Looked like: The it girl clique, a clusterfuck, wasting parents money, learning between classes, peer pressure, friendships at their best and worst, self destruction, boring is better than bad.

Single in the City:

Sounded like: Club music, 80s remix, fighting roommates, the MTA, condescending bosses a mere few years older, Andrea Boccelli and "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon.

Tasted like: Cheap sushi and 60 cent peas, decadant dinner dates, vodka cranberry, eggs and home fries at 3:00 AM.

Smelled like: The cologne of a stranger, messy apartment, the xerox machine outside my cubicle, sweaty suits, Jean Paul Gaultier perfume, the gym.

Felt like: Cheap clothes, late nights and early mornings, regret, hangovers, multiple mistakes, girl fun, bank account poor and living richly.

Looked like: Sex and the City but without the sex and the Manolos. waiting for Mr. Right, settling for Mr. Right Now.

What is your past sense?